


Shiboji no Egao

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Doctors & Physicians, Love, M/M, Pain, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 07:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15601101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “It’s like I’ve lived up until now inside a bubble and I’ve recently gotten out of it; when I did, I’ve been revealed that we’re human and that nothing’s forever... can you understand that, Yuya?”





	Shiboji no Egao

_Doctor_

Yuri had tried not to listen, he had tried to tell himself that it was all just a dream, that he was going to wake up soon and that sad-looking doctor would’ve disappeared; and then, Yuya would’ve been okay.

 

_Night_

That night Takaki had pretended to sleep, and he had spent his time keeping his eyes closed, trying not to think about the sound of Yuri’s muffled sobs.

 

_Revelation_

“It’s like I’ve lived up until now inside a bubble and I’ve recently gotten out of it; when I did, I’ve been revealed that we’re human and that nothing’s forever... can you understand that, Yuya?” and Yuya did, but he was never going to admit that him too had always been convinced that they could've been immortal.

 

_Minute_

“I'm asking you for some time, Yuri, a minute or what you can give to me, but for that time just pretend I'm fine and nothing’s changed, because I have a desperate need to see you smile.”

 

_Fire_

Yuri felt the fire burning his veins and his skin while Yuya touched him, while he took him one more time, while he murmured he loved him in his ear and while, a few moments after climaxing, he burst out crying.

 

_Cells_

He felt the cells in his body fall one by one victim to that disease, and he couldn’t help being terrified, wondering how long he was going to have to spend with Yuri.

 

_Stars_

Yuri stared at the sky as if he was waiting for a falling star, as if he was only waiting for something to come and tell him he was granted a wish; but the stars kept motionless, and he knew his wish was going to be left untold.

 

_Mind_

His mind was tired, his body was tired; and he couldn’t help thinking that if he hadn't being afraid of Yuri’s pain once he would've been gone, he would've likely given up a long time ago.

 

_Faith_

“You’ve got to  have faith...” they always told him that, they told him to have faith, that everything would've worked out; and Chinen wanted to scream, and tell them that it wasn’t going to work itself out, ad that faith wasn’t going to allow him to keep the man he loved for the rest of his life.

 

_Second time_

It was the second time, since they had told him he was sick, that he saw Yuri cry; and as much as he hated those tears, as much as he wished to turn around and not be forced to watch them, he thought that he at least owed him something, and he started crying with him.

 

_Rain_

It was raining; Yuri thought it was fitting to is mood, but then he didn’t even pay too much attention to it; he had stopped a long time ago being aware of whatever happened around him.

 

_Madness_

Yuya felt he was going to get mad, he felt he was going to give in if he had stayed one moment longer inside that house; and so he had followed that madness, he had taken Yuri and had brought him out, far from there and their problems, somewhere where they could be alone, and where they could pretend they were still happy.

 

_Man_

“Be a man for once, Yuya, and admit you’re fucking scared of this illness, and that you’re not just worried about me.” Yuri yelled, and even though the elder didn’t say a word, his tears were enough to understand he felt the exact same fear.

 

_Hope_

“There’s no hope, is there, sensei?” he asked that very same question to his doctor every time, and every time the man looked at him with the same desolation on his face; then he regretted asking, but he still kept doing that.

 

_Kill_

“If I asked you to kill me now, would you?” Yuri didn’t answer, because even though he knew Yuya wasn’t serious, he wasn’t ready to show his selfishness to him, and tell him he was never going to do something like that.

 

_Sky_

He looked at the sky, blue, terse, and doing so he held Yuri’s hand tight, wondering for how much longer he was going to be able to look at it.

 

_Memories_

The more Yuri tried to live in the present, the more his head kept sending him back, to analyse every memory he had created with Yuya, every single circumstance that had seen them happy together, as if his mind was trying to warn him of the fact that now that time was over.

 

_Far_

“Don’t forget me when I’ll be... far; be happy and make a life for yourself with someone else, stop loving me if you want, but swear you won’t forget me.” Yuya’s voice was hoarse while he said that, and Yuri felt like hurting him for having thought something like that could ever happen.

 

_Worse_

It had been when Yuri had thought things couldn’t actually get any harder that Yuya’s conditions had worsened, that he had almost stopped answering because he had a hard time talking, that he had stopped hugging him because he didn’t have the strength to do that; and then Yuri wondered where was the end of the abyss.

 

_Easy_

_Talk to him, Yuya, it’s easy, tell him you love him, now..._ that was what he kept repeating himself, but it was like his thoughts couldn’t reach his mouth, and something that had once been natural had now become an insurmountable obstacle; he just hoped that from his eyes, Yuri would've still known how he felt.

 

_Life_

Life could play weird tricks, at times, and Yuri had had to deal with that too soon; it was cruel right now, while Yuya’s breath became more feeble and the look on his face twisted into something that seemed to be a smile, challenging the very same life leaving his body. 

 

_Black_

Yuya was scared; he was scared because with his eyes closed everything was black, and he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to tell Yuri he didn’t feel any pain anymore, he didn’t know how to warn him of the fact that he was... but Yuri was smart, way smarter than him, and Yuya knew that somehow he was going to understand everything, as he had always done; and aware of this, he could pass at ease.

 

_Hole_

Yuri felt a hole close to his chest;  a chasm, more exactly; it had been Yuya’s place, and now it felt incredibly empty.

 

_Believe_

He needed to believe it; he needed to believe he was still there with him, to believe that somehow he could still be by his side, that  he could feel him, that there was something he could've done to save him from that atrocious pain; he needed it, or he knew there was no moving on.

 

_Death_

Death had been the one to take Yuya away from him, death had closed those eyes forever, but that same death that had stolen the smile from Chinen’s lips nothing had done to Yuya’s; and Yuri only for that, for that smile and that serene expression, finally decided to let him go.


End file.
